


terrible christmas playlists

by antikytheras



Series: (genji voice) merry christmas! [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Shopping, Gen, oddly specific tag but okay, there's mchanzo but it's only ever mentioned, this is really short and there's no plot but it's still a fun read i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:32:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13163193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antikytheras/pseuds/antikytheras
Summary: 'Look,' Genji begins, arms folded to keep himself from flinging the multitude of suit jackets out of Hanzo's perfectionism-fuelled vice-grip and onto the cashier counter, 'I love Christmas, ask anyone, but if I have to hear one more song that contains either the words "snow," "sleigh bells," "santa," or "baby Jesus" I'm gonna shove an entire tree up Santa's ass myself.'





	terrible christmas playlists

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by my pal deng's tweet

'Look,' Genji begins, arms folded to keep himself from flinging the multitude of suit jackets out of Hanzo's perfectionism-fuelled vice-grip and onto the cashier counter, 'I love Christmas, ask anyone, but if I have to hear one more song that contains either the words "snow," "sleigh bells," "santa," or "baby Jesus" I'm gonna shove an entire tree up Santa's ass myself.'

As it turns out, the department store has _excellent_ acoustics. His threat echoes throughout the entire floor, a ghost town on a Tuesday afternoon. An old lady, who had been peacefully plodding along an aisle of silk ties clutching a cane, pauses mid-plod and turns her face toward Genji. Unabashed, he shoots back a charming smile. After all, the mildly pleasant but befuddled expression is only one of many he's been met with today.

Hanzo, to his credit, barely looks aghast. 'It has been two hours,' he says flatly.

'And I'm telling you, Jesse will not wear anything but that ridiculous outfit.'

Undeterred, Hanzo parses a brown suit jacket from the muted assortment of socially acceptable colours, a far cry from the cowboy's usual taste. Lifting it to eye level, he raises an eyebrow in a pointed challenge. 'You think Jesse would not wear this?'

The question sounds politely conversational. It's not. It's easy enough for Genji to read between the lines, and he's never been one to back down from a headbutt, especially not from his own brother.

Hanzo might be intimately acquainted with the guy, but Genji's definitely known him longer. So it's with a resigned kind of wry confidence that he reminds him, 'We're talking about the guy who faced down the UN in a cowboy hat.'

Hanzo scowls, but Genji spots the familiar affection settled in his frown lines. He'd almost call it cute, except that he'd probably end up with an arrow between his eyes. 'I'm sure he can be persuaded.'

Genji snorts. 'If even Gabe couldn't scowl him into submission I'm not sure how persuasive you expect your dick to be.'

Yeah, that one was definitely loud.

And the sweet old lady is definitely hobbling in the general direction of "away" now.

'Genji,' Hanzo hisses, scarlet. Unfortunately it's not the extremely rare, going rate three-hundred-dollar-per-photo Jesse McCree-induced flush of embarrassment, but the angry bloom of imminent fratricide. It's a little less pleasant on the eyes, but then again Jesse's probably got the only pair of eyes in the world that could genuinely find something pleasant in Hanzo Shimada.

Even so, Genji stands his ground, boldly raising an eyebrow. 'What? It's true.'

'He still needs some proper clothes,' Hanzo argues, looking away and adding, 'I do not know what else I should buy for him.'

Genji, ever the helpful brother, unhelpfully suggests, 'What about some old Western saloon doors? You almost broke his door earlier. I'm sure he'd appreciate the gift.'

Hanzo replaces several suit jackets back on the rack. 'I do not think our allies would be very pleased.'

'Yeah,' Genji snorts, 'I think Angela may file for harrassment if she even hears you two going at it again.'

Hanzo lets go of the last coat, hanging it back on the rack with a sigh. 'Tell her to request better soundproofing, then.'

'In her own office? You're the one with a death wish, you tell her yourself.'

Santa Baby continues to haunt Genji all the way out of the department store. He's tempted to fling shuriken at the speakers, but he's pretty sure he can't get rid of every single one and his brother would probably murder him all over again before he could say "Merry Christmas!"

They make their way out of the department store at a brisk pace, one that they both prefer over leisurely strolls. Even though Hanzo has failed in his personal mission, he seems relatively unperturbed. Almost relaxed, even. Jesse is good for his brother, Genji thinks, remembering the cowboy's very casual appreciation for the holiday and his ambivalence on whether he receives gifts or not. His laidback approach to life has helped to temper his straight-laced, over-critical brother, even if they've had to fight and make up several times over their differences and beliefs. Hanzo is the happiest he's been in decades, and Genji is grateful for Jesse's thick skin, which is probably the only reason he hasn't been pricked to death by his brother's pointed barbs.

Once they're out of range of that awful Christmas playlist, Hanzo turns back and casually asks, 'Where should we lunch?'

Genji smiles, even though his brother cannot see it behind his metal mask. 'You're paying, brother, I'll let you pick.'

Hanzo snorts, but he says nothing to disagree. 'Consider this your Christmas gift.'

Genji thinks that the gift of family is more than enough, but he knows there's a carefully wrapped present for him sitting under Hanzo's bed, quietly waiting to be opened on Christmas day.

'I'll bleed your wallet dry with fatty tuna and smoked eel.'

His brother flicks his gaze over, eyeing his stomach appraisingly. 'You would not dare.'

Genji's smile breaks into a wide grin. 'Try me.'

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/_antikytheras)


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